


all the world's a stage

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Identity Issues, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 20:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11699616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After going to the seashore, Viktor thinks about what Yuuri said when he asked who he wanted to be for him.





	all the world's a stage

**Author's Note:**

> my favorite hobby is making viktor suffer tm
> 
> enjoy

After going to the seashore, Viktor is back to his room. He drums his fingers against his pants as he thinks about his conversation with Yuuri.

_I want you to be yourself._

He closes his eyes and sighs. He doesn't know who he is, really— he's played so many roles over his life. Young teenage prodigy, sex god celebrity, younger skaters' dad, stunt boyfriend for an ice dancer to help her career. And so many more, he doesn't know if there's one true personality of his.

The only adjectives he's heard being applied to him over and over again are those of the media. Beautiful, back when he was just a long-haired beauty; handsome, after cutting his hair. A genius. That feels too heavy on his tongue— he's not trying to be humble, but it feels like they're saying he's on the level of Einstein or such.

He's wore masks over and over again. Mila was the first one to be her faux-kid, and then Yuri, although the fifteen-year-old rejected it as soon as he could. He misses having a fixed role on people's lives. He's Yuuri's coach, but Yuuri is his crush. He doesn't know what to do now that he's supposed to be 'himself'.

 _A parental figure? A big brother? Your boyfriend then, I guess._ He knows how to play all those roles, and he just needs for Yuuri to pick it out for him. He's never played the coach role before, and it's hard. He's just copied Yakov's method except for a few things, and he realizes how it doesn't work for Yuuri as it did for him.

He hides his face behind his hands. Who is Viktor Nikiforov? Who is he, besides being Yuuri's coach, Russia's prodigy, Yakov's student? He doesn't know.

He's acted outgoing, he's acted shy, he's acted, he's acted. His life since he came to the spotlight has been as if he's in a permanent stage. He's not even double casted— he's casted more times than he can count.

He doesn't know who he is, and it scares him a little. The only other adjective he knows is depressed, his therapist saying it after he expressed his numbness, how he didn't feel anything.

_Be yourself, Viktor._

He sighs and decides he can think about it later. He's got practice with Yuuri in a bit. He puts his jacket back and walks to the Ice Castle, where Yuuri probably already is skating his life away.

He thinks of Yuuri and who he is to him; that's why he asked. A boyfriend? A brother? A father? He rejected all of those— a label-less relationship sounds so terribly scary.

He opens the door, and lets his fears be thrown out of the window to the sound of skates scraping against the ice.


End file.
